Home, or something like it.

I'll be moving to NYC soon, very soon. Actually, I need to buy a new plane ticket; school starts on an earlier date than I thought! Last Thursday I drove up to Walla Walla to see some of my friends there for potentially the last time in a long time. I stayed on a couch, I worked in a garden, I danced, I cooked, I laughed,I made new friends, I had wonderful conversations... ...and now I'm "home," back in my current living space, and I feel sad. Sure, perhaps I should find some grandiose words to describe the hole I have, right in the center of my chest, that radiates out in THAT way. My emotions have a habit of creating physical manifestations of themselves and I FEEL sad. There's also that guilt creeping in for not associating "home" with "family." I'll blame that partially on living away from home most of the year since my junior year of high-school. This FEELING of sadness, however, makes NYC bittersweet. I didn't want to leave Walla Walla. I want to go back, drive the four hours tonight, or hitch-hike, anything! But I also want NYC and all its opportunities. And I'd love for it to feel like home, for me to be able to take my heart there, but there's something about Walla Walla that holds my heart in a life-lock.