I feel the need to fly

I recently finished reading "Insecure at Last" by Eve Ensler. Ensler is an amazing writer, whose poignant words shook me awake. Read her book. Please. It challenged how I view security, what makes me feel safe, all of that.

Here is my new idea of security:

Security is community. Security is knowing that when you need help, someone will help you, care for you, and love you. Security is limitless compassion.

Part of discovering this idea of security has been the breaking apart what I've felt makes me secure. One of the biggest false securities I'm facing is my relationship with my parents. There's a false sense of safety between me and my parents is that we don't honestly communicate. If things are left unsaid, they don't exist, and we don't have conflict. I know that I need to come into my own, and it scares me that "my own" might not be what they approve of.

Earlier this evening I went to a restaurant by myself, I ordered a glass of red I couldn't pronounce, a dish of deliciousness, and, hell, why not? A dessert. And I sat there, savoring this independence, savoring my freedom, savoring how I wasn't reveling in my lack of a significant other.

I feel the need to fly,
to dive into something
new
exciting
completely and terrifyingly new
I want to accept my own life
and be happy with my own being
I'm tired,
so exhausted by this
old
monotone
numbingly dull routine
I want to love my own life
and love whomever's in it
I feel the need to fly,
I feel the need to jump,
I feel the need to fly.